


on forgiveness, and maybe also friendship

by epicionly



Series: LJ Comment-Fic [3]
Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-05
Updated: 2012-10-05
Packaged: 2017-11-15 16:13:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/529121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epicionly/pseuds/epicionly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim can harp about all he wants about how “Bones” is making things difficult for him, or is just taking everything too seriously, but Leonard hasn’t lived as he has (though he’s still far from retirement age) not trusting his gut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	on forgiveness, and maybe also friendship

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Star Trek (2009), McCoy, Introspection
> 
> Notes then that are still relevant now:  
> I love this gen/no pairing thing. I love friendship. I love non-romantic relationships. And I love writing introspection way too much. Also, Jim mentions. And Bones. BonesBonesBones. And feelings that could go everywhere. Everything. EVERYTHING. ~~forgive me I just love this and I am convinced you don't really get a Bones without _Jim are you trying to kill yourself_ worries somehow~~

Jim can harp about all he wants about how “Bones” is making things difficult for him, or is just taking everything too seriously, but Leonard hasn’t lived as he has (though he’s still far from retirement age) not trusting his gut. You trust your gut when you're a doctor, because you have the lives of actual people in your hands, and they're more than just bodies to study or another name on the PADD. You trust your instincts when something is wrong, because most of the time technology doesn't do diddly-squat when it actually matters. And, you trust your best friend not to go off running into the arms of suicide like he always does every away mission to a planet, because you think more of him than half the idiots in charge do and he knows it.

Even then, some days, Leonard just wishes Jim would stop proving him right about everything being a death trap. It's like the universe has it out for a James Tiberius Kirk, and Leonard is the last thing standing between making sure Jim's heart is still beating and losing the man forever. He's lost track of the time he's spent with more with Jim than he would've Joanna, and maybe that's guilt that's racking up, maybe it's the fact that Jim is kind of like Joanna in a way, and maybe it's the fact that Jim is pretty much the only person he knows most of the ins and outs of on this ship. The Enterprise, though she may be beautiful (or so Jim keeps telling him and Leonard agrees somewhat), is far from perfect. Space is a dangerous place, and they could all end up dead in a snap, top-of-the-line ship or no.

Leonard is just glad for a place to sleep and a sickbay to call his own. He doesn't ask for much, just that Jim tries to value his own life a bit more, and also try to make Leonard's own life a little easier. He doesn't know what he'd do if it _were_ easier, though. Life on the Enterprise is synonymous with _we are so fucked_ \--to quote Jim on various occasions that Leonard refuses to say for fear of jinxing everything. Leonard might've been religious at one point; back where he comes from, everyone is. Maybe he used to believe in it, but when you're a doctor, when you've done everything from patching a skinned knee up to watching them die on the operating table before you, believing in something is trying, and it's easier to just blame it all on yourself and not the will of the gods.

Jim probably understands this on a molecular level, which is why he's never been beamed back aboard the ship with anything less than a very little chance of survival and every inch keen on making Leonard sweat it out, curse his name, and feel like he's going to die with every breath. The kid's _crazy_ , is all Leonard can say, but he's amazing too--far be it from Leonard to admit it when Jim is awake, conscious and fully functional, because _dammit_ , Jim's cocky enough without the praise, and Leonard doesn't want to give him another reason to underestimate the universe at large.

Leonard's never sure about things, because he's as conflicted as the next man. Maybe he sits, reminiscent, because he's getting old, or he can't let go of the past.

Still, there's always something about looking back from where he is now. Leonard doesn't doubt, at all, that if Jim asked him again, he'd serve another five year mission. But he also doesn't doubt, that should he ask, retiring could be the best, safest, and most guaranteed quiet part of his life.

The only question is which he will regret the most.

**Author's Note:**

> Filled April 25, 2012. The LJ Comment-fic was having a gen day and I was having a field day. NOTHING MORE NEEDS TO BE UNDERSTOOD.


End file.
